Ready or not

Hello my dear friends. I want you to know I am grieving the loss of my beautiful mother.


She fell ill quickly but waited for me to get to her. Our time together over her last few days was precious. On her last night she waited for me to leave her hospital room before she went to join her other loved ones who had gone before her. Whatever your beliefs are, they are yours and individual, my mother believed that she will be greeted by my father, and her other loved ones once she closed her eyes for a final time. Everyone told me losing mom would be hard, but there are no words to describe just how hard. I wrote the words below in her hospital room while she slept and I sat holding her hand or stroking her forehead.

When I needed you most, you were there. You and Dad took on this little 9 month old waif in need of a family. 64 years later I still need you. But you are slipping away, some days more than others. I try to grab hold of you and hang on, but you have somewhere else to be, ready or not.

I am here for you, holding your hand in my hand, holding your heart in my heart. I try to be the strength for you that you have always been for me. I try to be your courage when you are afraid, like you have always done for me. You taught me to be there for others and to be strong. I am trying so hard to be strong, hoping my strength will be enough, but you have somewhere else to be, ready or not.

When you look at me blankly, not quite sure, I remind you I am your daughter and that I love you. “I love you too”, you always say back. Somewhere inside I know you feel the love we have for each other, like a little bird fluttering in its nest. You taught me how to love, and be loved. I’m hoping that my love will be enough, but you have somewhere else to be, ready or not.

When you say you wonder why you are still here and that you are excited to see your mother and my father again, my stomach knots. When you wonder what it will be like and tell me you are not afraid, I try selfishly to ask you to stay, just a little longer, but you have somewhere else to be, ready or not.

I love you mom, I will miss you forever and live by your life teachings, passing them on to my children and grandchildren. When they ask where you are I will tell them that you had somewhere else to be, and now it is up to us to carry on for you, ready or not.

I also thought I would share her obituary with you, my Blogville friends, so you might learn a little more about this precious woman.

“A tiny baby girl, Leona Coulas, entered this world on July 9, 1925 ready to live her life, and 97 years and almost 4 months later a wonderful woman, Leona Etmanski, left this life on October 31, 2022.

During her lifetime she was a precious and beloved older sister to Teresa (Hamilton), Leo, Isaiah and Anthony and sister-in-law to Tom and Marcelle. She was a loving and devoted wife to Edward Etmanski for 55 years, putting up with his playful shenanigans until he passed on June 27, 2008. She was a proud, loving, and caring mother to Daniel and Lynn and a special mother-in-law to Paul Deiulis.

She loved to spend time with, and hear updates about her precious grandchildren, Samantha Bolingbroke (Derek), Amanda Froud (Jeremy), Veronica, Victoria Lamothe (Rylee), Vincent Deiulis (Genna) and her great-grandchildren, Nicholas, Paige, Harrison, Cooper, Benjamin, Elloise, Zachary, and Declan.

She could sew, knit, crochet, or embroider anything. Her playing card strategy was legendary.
Her family learned many valuable life skills from her, but mostly to be kind to others, be thankful, and share what you have, especially your smile.”

If you still have them, hug your parents today. Visit them, call them, face time with them. These are the memories you will have when your parent leaves, whether you are ready or not.